Wow, just after a post saying I would be keeping my blog and I didn't realize that almost a month has passed since I have last posted! Ken got on my ass about his, so I'm here to post an update.

Some may have thought I followed through with that daydream of driving off the Buckman bridge into the pleasant looking water...oh wait...I'M NOT IN HELL...I mean...FLORIDA...anymore! WOO-HOO!

So, I'm trying to build a life here in the Region (Northwest Indiana for those who don't know). You know, one can spend their whole life hearing horror stories about the Region, but it's not too bad so far. That is, I haven't ventured into Gary or Hammond at this point. No plans to do so either thus far, so all is well.

Only two more weeks before Ken is out of school for the semester. Please keep us in your prayers about Ken finding a new teaching position in this area. We're doing the same and I go through the day with my fingers and toes crossed too...well, at least mentally. It will be better here when we can be a real family again. I miss him so much when he's not here.

As for the job, things are still fantastic. They're really pushing me to take over management of the department. I'm doing it anyway, but feel I need to learn a few more things before I get in too deep too fast and set myself up for failure. Some days I feel like I'm being set up anyway, but I keep plugging away. We've been really busy which is fantastic. I'd rather be busy than sitting still! Still not sure how to do this whole management thing, but I at least know the meat and potatoes of my job, so that's half the battle I guess. That and just surviving some of the customers. While I've been frustrated with some of that lately, I guess when looking at the up side of things, it's good to see the business didn't change much since I went to the underwriting side 5 years ago!

I haven't had a chance to meet up with any friends yet since coming home. We've been catching up with family, but hope to see everyone soon. SMC reunion is coming up soon and the reenacting season is coming into full swing. It's going to be a busy summer!

Got to spend Mother's Day weekend with mom. I think she liked it. It was good, except for smashing my right hand into the corner of the dresser. Ken took me to RediMed this morning. Not broke, but awfully sore, turning black and still a bit swollen. Nothing some time and an ace bandage won't fix. Bad part is it's taking me over an hour so far to type this since I'm doing it one-handed and with my left hand to boot!

Hope that this finds everyone well. And thus, I leave you all with a simply fantastic summer song that transcends generations.

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AMERICAN PIE
By: DEAN McLEAN

A long, long time ago I can still remember how that music used to make me smile and I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for a while but February made me shiver with every paper I delivered, bad news on the door step, I couldn't take one more step, I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride but something touched me deep inside, the day, the music, died. So...

CHORUS
Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die.

Did you write the book of love and do you have faith in God above, if the bible tells you so, and do you believe in rock n' roll, can music save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to dance real slow? Well I know that you're in love with him cuz I saw you dancin in the gym you both kicked off your shoes and I dig those rhythm and blues. I was a lonely teenage bronkin buck with a pink carnation and a pick up truck but I knew I was out of luck, the day, the music, died. I started singin...

Chorus

Now for ten years we've been on our own and moss grows fat on a rollin stone but that's not how it used to be, when the jester sang for the king and queen in a coat he borrowed from James Dean and a voice that came from you and me, oh and while the king was looking down, the jester stole his thorny crown the courtroom was adjourned, no verdict was returned, and while Lenin read a book on Marx, the quartet practiced in the park and we sang dirges in the dark, the day, the music, died. We were singin...

Chorus

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter the birds flew off with a fallout shelter, eight miles high and fallin fast, its the land that falled on the grass the players tried for a forward pass with the jester on the sidelines in a cast, now the half-time air was sweet perfume while the sergeants played a marching tune we all got up to dance oh but we never got the chance oh as the players tried to take the field the marching band refused to yield do you recall what was revealed, the day, the music, died. We started singin...

Chorus

Oh and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again, so come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack Flash sat on a candle stick because fire is the devils only friend, oh and as I watched him on the stage, my hands were clinched in fists of rage, no angel born in hell could break that satan's spell and as the planes climbed high into the night to light the sacrificial right I saw satan laughing with delight, the day, the music, died. He was singin...

Chorus

I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news but she just smiled and turned away, I went down to the sacred store where I'd heard the music years before but the man there said the music wouldn't play and in the streets the children screamed, the lovers cried, and the poets dreamed but not a word was spoken, the church bells all were broken and the three men I admire most, the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost, they caught the last train for the coast, the day, the music, died, and they were singin...

Chorus

They were singin... Bye, bye Miss American Pie drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry an them good ol' boys were drinkin whiskey and rye singin this will be the day that I die.

Ok, so now that I'm "home", some people have inquired if I will keep my blog.

The answer is...of course!

There's a lot more to coming home than actually being home. Home is more of what you make of it I guess, so there's always that pursuit to make it a haven, what you want out of live, and a safe place to be.

I hated my job so much that all I could focus on was coming back to Indiana. However, there are some pitfalls. None can be blamed to the state, it's atmosphere or anything having to do with it. It just sometimes goes back to the joys of being around family...or it's pitfalls.

Most that know me know that Ken and I have had difficulty in the baby department for the past 2.5 years. The good thing about hating my job - I lost 40 lbs due to stress and didn't have as much time to focus on the whole baby thing. The downside to liking my job and being home - it's at the forefront again.

We had a huge "incident" at Christmas when my SIL announced her pregnancy (which is the nice way of putting it, but I digress). Now, today, we were informed that Ken's cousin (who has 3 kids already) is pregnant again. His parents thought they hadn't heard from us because we were upset over the e-mail announcement. Truth be told, we had no idea because we were (most likely expressly) excluded. It sucks to hear of someone else's pregnancy (not because you hate them, but because it opens the grief you feel for your own loss all over again), but it's worse when people try to hide it like you won't find out.

I've expressed time and time again. We need to know how you've been blessed by God (and we haven't), but there is a way to do it. SIL could take some pointers. I have to give Kudos to Meg for having the most class and tact and I love her for it.

Just know that it's not you, it's me (doesn't that sound like a crappy break up line?!) I'm happy for you, but at the same time I'm sad for us.

As Easter approaches, I know that now that I'm home and back near where I found my first real peace with God (in college), I need to find that peace with Him again. Those that love me dislike that I say that God hates me. Currently, I still believe that very much. It's easier to believe that than to believe that he just keeps dismissing and/or denying me.

But, my online magic crystal ball has not failed me this past year. I asked it if I would be home in Indiana by April 1. It said "Resolutely, yes." I asked if I would ever be happy at work again. It said "in time, but proceed ahead." I asked it if I would be pregnant by Ken's 30th birthday (July 29, 2006). It said "If you want it bad enough."

So, I guess first step is calling a truce with God.

Second is setting up a file transfer to a doctor here in town, saying "fuck the money" and hitting it head on at any cost.

So, coming home...I am back home in Indiana. Now it's time to truly make it a home, which means getting my husband back here with me and us taking a serious good-faith attempt at forcing science's hand.

It's SO good to be back home again in Indiana!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love love LOVE my new job and am so excited to go in to work everyday. Do you know how long it's been since I've looked forward to actually getting out of bed in the morning, putting that suit on and showing up? Do you know how long it's been since the day seemed to last only a few hours and not a few days? A LONG time. That's how long!

Ken and I found a fantastic place in Valparaiso which is only about 20 minutes to the office for me. It's got two beds and two baths with a garage so everyone will have to come visit. The pool and hot tub open up Memorial Day weekend and there's a fantastic fitness center. All that and it's off a county road with cattle and horses across the street. What more could we ask for?

The only thing that would make it perfect is to have Ken here with me! It's easier to see each other on weekends, but I miss him during the week terribly. It's almost worse that we're so close because I feel more helpless about being apart. But, I just keep telling myself "only 6 more weeks!"

So, the job's fantastic, the apartment is fantastic and my life is near complete when I have Ken back.

Hope you all have been doing well and I'll write more fantastic things at a later date!

Here's a thanks to Courtenay for sending me the link on this one. If you're from Indiana or just like Indiana or from any rural or suburban town in any state (especially the midwest), you'll get a kick out of this one. It's worth the download of Quicktime if you don't have it.

Check it out. The Lazy Muncie Rap.

Enjoy!

Lazy Muncie

Lazy Muncie is an Indiana parody of the following SNL skit:

DevilDucky-Lazy Sunday

So, my first day as a free woman and I'm sick as hell. Well, at least I didn't have to go to work and suffer at the same time. I think all of us got this flu bug. The dogs were up all night throwing up too, so I was trying to take care of them while I was drugged up on Tylenol PM. What a trip! But, we've all moved past that stage and are just tired and feeling lousy. So, I lose a day packing, but I have three more.

I do feel well enough to entertain myself however. Between episodes of Sex and the City (yes, I started watching it again from Disk 1 Season 1), I've been playing my piano more.

Current songs I am working on:

Daydream Believer (which I have down pretty well) and
Abraham Martin and John (which I have down well, but need to speed up. It sounds almost like the funeral dirg it could be!)

So, I leave you with the lyrics to Abraham Martin and John. I know its a voice out over the Vietnam War, but I can't help but make it my own I guess and it almost seems like we all have a bit of Abraham Martin and John in our lives. We idolize the friendships in our lives and sometimes mourn for those that got away.

So, I'll see everyone soon!

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ABRAHAM MARTIN AND JOHN
Performed by Dion

Has anybody here seen my old friend Abraham?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He freed a lot of people,
But it seems the good they die young.
You know, I just looked around and he's gone.

Anybody here seen my old friend John?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He freed a lot of people,
But it seems the good they die young.
I just looked around and he's gone.

Anybody here seen my old friend Martin?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He freed a lot of people,
But it seems the good they die young.
I just looked 'round and he's gone.

Didn't you love the things that they stood for?
Didn't they try to find some good for you and me?
And we'll be free
Some day soon, and it's a-gonna be one day ...

Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
I thought I saw him walk up over the hill,
With Abraham, Martin and John